Dear mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle, cousin, best friend, friend, acquaintance,
I know you see me suffering. I know you notice that sometimes I don’t pick up the phone, or respond to text messages. I know you notice when I don’t leave my room, or make up 194749273 reasons on why I can’t “go out later”. I know you notice when I only take 2 bites off my plate just after complaining about how hungry I was. I know you notice how spaced out I am. I know you notice that I’m not the same person you knew a few years ago, maybe even a few months ago. I know you notice all of these things, who wouldn’t? I also know that you walk on eggs shells around me because you never know what will push me over the edge. Trust me, it bothers me just as much as it bothers you that I am so unpredictable. I know you wonder “if” you can help me, you wonder if I’ll ever get “better” or “back to normal”. I know you wonder how long my moods will last. I know you wonder if I am safe 24/7. I know you wonder if you will have to bury me before my time is right (in your eyes). I wonder the same things. I often wonder what life would be like if you and me both didn’t have to wonder all these things.
Please, please, please, be patient with me. I am fragile and afraid of what the world has in store for me, I am just as fearful as you. I may piss you off and make you want to snap on me. I may have some really really really bad days, but please never leave my side. I need you. I need your love, support, and affection. I need someone to pick up the pieces when I fall apart, because that happens quite frequently. I need you to never give up on me. I give up on myself enough. I need you to deeply love me on those rough days that I can’t even love myself. I know it’s frustrating to watch me drown in my sadness and I know you may feel as if I am doing nothing to help myself. Truth be told, my mental illness can be emotionally and physically crippling, I hope you can understand that. Sometimes I try to help myself and fail miserably. I need support. I need help. I cannot do this alone. Please try not to put me down, have patience with me; even when I cannot comprehend the advice you are trying to give me. Please give me the space I need and other times smother me with love. Please make sure I’m going to my therapy appointments and taking my medicine…EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO! Please listen to me with open ears, even if you’ve heard it 2956947 times, take what I am saying seriously and never doubt the power of my mental illness.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for noticing that I was, and still am suffering. Thank you for making me get professional help. I know it isn’t easy to watch me live like this. If you are one of the few who has stuck by my side, I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I probably don’t say it enough, or at all but, I love you. I could not battle this without you. You are truly a special person to stick by my side and handle me even on my worst days. Thank you for sitting with me while I force myself to finish a meal. Thank you for listening on the phone while I cry for 30 mins, and can’t explain to you why I’m crying. Thank you for helping me calm down when I work myself up. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, and for having open ears.
If you decided we needed to part ways since I’ve told you about my bipolar disorder, I am truly sorry you could not handle the deck of cards I was given. I am sorry for all the pain I may have caused you. I never wanted to hurt anybody, and if I hurt you I apologize. I am sorry that you will not be by my side to experience the greater things life has in store for me. I'm sorry that you told me that you would never leave my side, and you left me out to dry! I want you to know it hurt me deeply when you left. I will forever wonder want I did to feel the pain of abandonment and I will never understand why or how someone could give up on me the way you did. I hope life treats you well and that you will never have to experience the pain I went through when you left.
To everyone dealing with someone suffering from a mental illness, you are truly the stars that light up our world. And for that question you keep asking yourself….the answer is “yes, there is hope J”
I know you see me suffering. I know you notice that sometimes I don’t pick up the phone, or respond to text messages. I know you notice when I don’t leave my room, or make up 194749273 reasons on why I can’t “go out later”. I know you notice when I only take 2 bites off my plate just after complaining about how hungry I was. I know you notice how spaced out I am. I know you notice that I’m not the same person you knew a few years ago, maybe even a few months ago. I know you notice all of these things, who wouldn’t? I also know that you walk on eggs shells around me because you never know what will push me over the edge. Trust me, it bothers me just as much as it bothers you that I am so unpredictable. I know you wonder “if” you can help me, you wonder if I’ll ever get “better” or “back to normal”. I know you wonder how long my moods will last. I know you wonder if I am safe 24/7. I know you wonder if you will have to bury me before my time is right (in your eyes). I wonder the same things. I often wonder what life would be like if you and me both didn’t have to wonder all these things.
Please, please, please, be patient with me. I am fragile and afraid of what the world has in store for me, I am just as fearful as you. I may piss you off and make you want to snap on me. I may have some really really really bad days, but please never leave my side. I need you. I need your love, support, and affection. I need someone to pick up the pieces when I fall apart, because that happens quite frequently. I need you to never give up on me. I give up on myself enough. I need you to deeply love me on those rough days that I can’t even love myself. I know it’s frustrating to watch me drown in my sadness and I know you may feel as if I am doing nothing to help myself. Truth be told, my mental illness can be emotionally and physically crippling, I hope you can understand that. Sometimes I try to help myself and fail miserably. I need support. I need help. I cannot do this alone. Please try not to put me down, have patience with me; even when I cannot comprehend the advice you are trying to give me. Please give me the space I need and other times smother me with love. Please make sure I’m going to my therapy appointments and taking my medicine…EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO! Please listen to me with open ears, even if you’ve heard it 2956947 times, take what I am saying seriously and never doubt the power of my mental illness.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for noticing that I was, and still am suffering. Thank you for making me get professional help. I know it isn’t easy to watch me live like this. If you are one of the few who has stuck by my side, I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I probably don’t say it enough, or at all but, I love you. I could not battle this without you. You are truly a special person to stick by my side and handle me even on my worst days. Thank you for sitting with me while I force myself to finish a meal. Thank you for listening on the phone while I cry for 30 mins, and can’t explain to you why I’m crying. Thank you for helping me calm down when I work myself up. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, and for having open ears.
If you decided we needed to part ways since I’ve told you about my bipolar disorder, I am truly sorry you could not handle the deck of cards I was given. I am sorry for all the pain I may have caused you. I never wanted to hurt anybody, and if I hurt you I apologize. I am sorry that you will not be by my side to experience the greater things life has in store for me. I'm sorry that you told me that you would never leave my side, and you left me out to dry! I want you to know it hurt me deeply when you left. I will forever wonder want I did to feel the pain of abandonment and I will never understand why or how someone could give up on me the way you did. I hope life treats you well and that you will never have to experience the pain I went through when you left.
To everyone dealing with someone suffering from a mental illness, you are truly the stars that light up our world. And for that question you keep asking yourself….the answer is “yes, there is hope J”