Many people think because I’m so transparent with my mental illness, I don’t have bad days anymore. Wrong! I am human. Besides being human, I’m a human who is still learning to live with bipolar disorder and depression/anxiety. Just because I go to therapy and I take the medicine my psychiatrist prescribes me doesn’t mean that my illness just “goes away”. I have really good days (as good as I can get) and then I have downright awful days. I still have days where I have no will to live. Not saying that I’m suicidal…I just don’t see my purpose on Earth some days. My therapist told me find an outlet for my bad days; I chose to blog. Me blogging is very ironic because I don’t even like to write, but something about spilling my emotions onto a computer screen helps me put my thoughts into perspective and not just empty words in my head with no meaning. Today is a bad day so I’m choosing write….here we go.
For this particular blog post, I wanted input from others who are living with or directly affected by someone living with a mental illness. Being diagnosed changes your life instantly, and it changes the lives of the people you love and care about. Focusing so much on yourself and how to feel better, it is easy to forget that the people around you are affected by your diagnosis as well.
In our society, having a mental illness is frowned upon. Most people (especially my age) don’t know how to respond to hearing the news of others being diagnosed quite frankly because they’ve never been taught. I know first hand that it can be very damaging when people does not know exactly what to say, they may say the wrong thing, or they may not say anything when you need them most. Whoever said “sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, they lied. Words can and sometimes do hurt. They can really hurt. In some instances, people forfeit getting help because of the negative responses they receive from people close to them, or even because of the way a person they truly care about words a sentence. You never know what someone else is going through. You may be the cause of him/her never seeking help. I too have to realize that my words may hurt people that are close to me that are “just trying to help.”
This blog post is designed to help you help us. I have recently teamed up with some amazing people and I have listened to what they wished the people around knew and understood about their mental illness. I composed a list, of my thoughts and theirs, to give a better understanding of how a person with a mental illness feels. I hope the biggest takeaway from this blog post is for everyone to have a better understanding of one another. Whether you have a mental illness and have people supporting you, to whether you’re the supporter. We are all human, we all have feelings, we all matter.
Things I wish my family/friends knew about dealing with my mental ilness:
- “I’m not using my illness as a “crutch”…trust me. I would give ANYTHING to function “normally” on a daily basis.”
- “I can’t just ‘snap out of it’”
- “You will not always know when I am having a bad day. Be mindful of the things you say and do to/with me. I may seem like I’m in a good mood but I may be falling apart on the inside. What you say and how you treat me matters, it makes a difference. Be a positive influence.”
- “Sometimes just a simple ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m thinking about you’ can really change my day.”
- “Please don’t say ‘I’m glad you got help’ because chances are you didn’t know I needed to get help in the first place…”
- “It’s okay to talk to me about my illness, I actually wish you would so you could get better understanding of me…People think talking about my illness is a trigger to me, it’s not, it’s my normal”
- “I really respect my family/friends who decided to stick with me through this, and I do not hold anything against anyone who feels as if they couldn’t.”
- “I don’t need you to tell me everything is going to be okay, I need you to be there for me”
- “Sometimes I will say that I want to be alone, but being alone is not what I need. Make me get out of the house and do things. Make me look at the sun.”
- “I already struggle with depression, the last thing I need is your negativity.”
- “I would rather you tell me that you are uncomfortable, instead of disappearing when I need you the most.”
- “Telling me ‘It’s not that bad’ or ‘You’re being dramatic’ or ‘You’re being sensitive’ is like saying my illness/feelings aren’t valid.”
- “Don’t abandon me when I’m having bad days.”
- “Make me feel safe. My anxiety is triggered by stress and often just a simple inability to process what is happening at a given moment.”
- “I wish my family knew that I can’t control anxiety once it hits me. Saying ‘You know you’re ok’ or ‘There’s nothing wrong with you’ makes me feels as if they take my illness as a joke…my illness is not a joke”
- “I often isolate myself from the people I love so I can clear my head.”
- “Don’t ask me if I’ve taken my medicine when I’m being emotional. I’m human; we’re all emotional sometimes.”
- “Everybody thinks that when I’m having a bad day I don’t want to be bothered, sometimes I don’t, but sometimes I really do need somebody to be for me, because I haven’t really had anybody there for me since this started.”
- “I wish everyone knew depression isn’t just feeling sad. It is fatigue, despair, and not being able to push forward.”
- “Show me that you love me, even in my darkest time.”
- “I know you aren’t my parent…but if I’m coming to you it’s because I truly need a friend in that moment, not a parent.”
- “You never know what a person is going through mentally…It is rare for me to actually tell people what I’m feeling as deeply as I should. Don’t assume I’m ‘okay’ because I ‘look’ a certain way”
- “Being around my family and friends sometimes makes me forget about these feelings, but once I’m alone they start back again. So don’t tell me ‘You were just fine earlier’”
- “I need reassurance and comfort.”
- “I wish my family and friends would understand that I’m not ‘crazy’ because I’m on medication. I have a hard time dealing with my anxiety and because of that I am on medication.”
- “I know that I have a great support team, but think of it like this…if I know for sure five people are on my side (always there when I need them, always listening), and I try to talk to one person outside that five, and that one person gives me a negative responsive response, or no response, or they don’t response how I want them too…it’s like me taking 5 steps forward and 10 steps back. Now because of that one person, I feel like no one is there for me. So in that time help me trust you, don’t tell me ‘You have a lot of people on your side’ because I’m not currently sure of that”
Until next time….
Amara